Just Breathe
by Kassandra Black
Summary: Sequel to "Breathe". Continuation of romance between Serena Shepard and Kaidan Alenko in ME 2.
1. Introduction

_**Author's Note: So here it is, finally! The sequel to "Breathe". You don't need to read "Breathe" to enjoy this one, but there will be some references to the first story. Please enjoy, and feel free to offer any suggestions and comments! A special thanks to my beta, Katma!**_

_**As always, Bioware is the sole owner of anything Mass Effect.**_

She was dying.

She wasn't afraid, yet she still grasped the back of her helmet in a foolish attempt to prolong whatever time she had left.

Serena Shepard had accepted death a long time ago. From her childhood back on Earth to her service in the Alliance, she had known that death was always around the corner. Every outing back on Earth, every mission with the Alliance, held a certain risk, and she had always given herself willingly. Only this time, she didn't want to die.

How ironic that she was going to die just when her heart had been awakened with the yearning to live. She thought of Kaidan and a tear rolled down her cheek. She had failed him. All the time she'd wasted in her attempt to avoid her feelings for him. Time that she could have spent with him. Time that she would never get back.

Her breath came out in staggered gasps as the oxygen in her helmet depleted. A cold, numbing feeling began to wash over her limbs.

She closed her eyes and accepted her fate, content that, at least, her death had not been in vain. That her crew – that Kaidan – was safe. Her only regret…not telling Kaidan that she had loved him.

* * *

Kaidan was uneasy as he looked up at the sky. He should've stayed on the _Normandy_, should've made sure she was safe. His heart was pounding in his ears, making him oblivious to the reassurances from his crewmates that both Serena and Joker were ok. His head began to throb painfully, but he forced himself to focus. His heartbeat accelerated as he saw the last escape pod finally enter the planet's atmosphere.

The pod seemed to take ages to descend, and Kaidan ran up to it as it finally landed. Taking a steadying breath, he punched in the sequence to open the door and stood aside as it slowly hissed open. He pulled himself inside, and his heart stopped.

"Where is she?" he whispered.

Joker's head hung down between his shoulders, but he slowly lifted it at Kaidan's words. Joker looked defeated. He shook his head at Kaidan.

"Where is she?" Kaidan growled, grabbing Joker by the shoulders and giving him a hard shake.

Joker winced in pain, but Kaidan didn't care. He needed answers.

"Sh-she didn't make it," Joker finally spoke up, his voice hoarse with emotion. "There was a blast, and she got pulled away from the pod. She…died…trying to save me."

"No!" Kaidan yelled. He didn't believe it. She must've taken another pod. Serena always had something up her sleeve. He stepped out and looked up at the sky again. It wouldn't be long. Her pod should be making its way to the planet any time now. He felt a hand on his shoulder but didn't bother to turn around. His eyes continued to scan the sky for her pod, for her.

"She's not coming," Joker whispered from behind, and Kaidan realized that Joker was now crying.

She couldn't be dead. She was Commander Shepard, for God's sake, she couldn't die! Her whole life had been spent cheating death, she couldn't just…die.

Suddenly, Kaidan couldn't breathe. He fumbled with the oxygen hose that led to his helmet, though he knew there was nothing wrong with it. Kaidan's body flared with biotic energy, and he ripped Joker's hand from his shoulder. He stumbled away from Joker before he did something he would regret. Anger directed his body, and he moved with no direction in mind. He walked for hours…or was it only minutes? Kaidan didn't care. He had lost his sense of time, his sense of…everything.

Finally, his body drained, he knelt on the cold ground, and his body succumbed to the pain in his heart. She couldn't be dead. They had just found each other – it was too soon for her to go. His body shook with sobs as he finally accepted Serena's fate. She was dead, and it was his fault. He had made a promise to himself that he would never let her out of his sight and yet he had done just that. He had failed her.


	2. Chapter 1

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken…_

* * *

Serena's vision was hazy as she opened her eyes. She squinted against the bright lights. Where was she? In a hospital? She could hear voices, could feel people moving around her. She opened her mouth to speak, but her throat felt raw and swollen. She tried lifting her arms, but they felt heavy.

Was she…was she alive? Her heart raced at that thought as a woman's face came into view. A doctor? The woman was talking, but Serena couldn't make out was she was saying. Her words sounded sluggish and far away.

Something was wrong. Serena struggled to catch her breath. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She gasped for air as machines beeped loudly around her. The woman hurried away and began to push the buttons on the machines.

The woman's voice sounded urgent, commanding, before her face swam into Serena's view again. Serena's head was filled with questions, but only one name came to her lips before unconsciousness overtook her.

_Kaidan._

* * *

Kaidan's vision was hazy as he opened his eyes. He squinted against the bright sun that filtered in through the window. He had been dreaming about her again. Every night, without fail, she would drift into his dreams. It was something he both dreaded and looked forward to.

She would talk to him, laugh…but her voice was absent. It almost seemed like he was watching a vid of her without the sound on. He could never hear her.

Until now.

Kaidan put his pillow over his face and closed his eyes in concentration as he tried to remember the dream. They had been sitting on the bed, talking. He couldn't hear what she was saying, but he had already gotten used to that. He couldn't stop staring at her. The look of joy on her face made him almost believe that she was still alive. That his dreams were really the truth and that his reality was the lie. She had pulled herself closer to him, and she tilted her face towards his ear.

_Kaidan_.

She had said his name.

* * *

Two years.

Serena stared at the man – Jacob – in front of her. She was waiting for him to burst out laughing. To say something like, "Just kidding! Your crew is waiting for you behind this door. You should've seen the look on your face…"

But he just stared back, his expression as serious as when he had told her she had been dead for two years.

She took a step back and let out a breath. She closed her eyes as her mind processed what he had just said. She had woken up to chaos – nothing unusual considering that was pretty much what her life was like. She had followed the voice on the intercom, slipping into armor, grabbing the nearest gun, killing everything in her way.

The feel of the armor on her body and the weapon in her hand brought alive her senses. Instinct had taken over her body. Take cover, shoot, run. Survival was her priority though her mind was filled with questions. What the hell was going on? Where was she? Where were Kaidan, Wrex, Garrus and the rest of her crew?

She didn't trust this Jacob, but he and the intercom lady – Miranda – were the ones with the answers. She would help them kill the mechs and escape the facility if it meant she got those answers. She needed to find her crew. She needed to find Kaidan.

* * *

Kaidan fell back against the bed, exhausted. He had been working double shifts for the past few months and the hours were finally catching up to him.

It was the only way. The only way to stop seeing her eyes every time he looked at the stars, to stop smelling her sweet scent every time he passed by a flower shop…to stop seeing her face every time he closed his eyes to sleep.

Working the double shift kept his mind off of her. It had become routine. Wake up, go to work, labor furiously for 16+ hours, go home, go to sleep, wake up. It was a great plan, except for the fact that it wasn't working.

He still thought of her constantly. The past two years (had it really been two years?) had been hell. His guilt at leaving her and his grief at losing her had eaten away at him until he was only a shell of himself. His duty to the Alliance was the only thing that kept him going.

Councilor Anderson had forced a month's personal leave on him, but Kaidan had returned after a week. It was better to keep his mind occupied at work, than to sit at home doing nothing but thinking about Serena. Anderson had relented, feeling that time would be the only thing that would help Kaidan heal.

Kaidan forced himself off the bed when he heard his computer beep with a new message. It better not be his friends forcing him to go out again. He wasn't in the mood to deal with them. He took a seat in front of the screen, and his heart stopped as he opened up the message.

_What kind of sick bastard would send this?_, he thought angrily as his body flared with biotic energy.

The message had been sent from a private account. No name, no address, just the message. Kaidan threw the computer across the room, but the words still burned in his eyes.

_She's alive._

* * *

_**AN: The lyrics at the top of the page are taken from a Rascal Flatt's song called "What Hurts the Most". **_


	3. Chapter 2

Serena slammed back against the exercise mat. She groaned in pain as she sat up. They had been going at this for hours.

"Again," Miranda said, cocking her hip to one side as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Serena cursed under her breath. "Miranda, I am not a biotic. What the hell were you thinking when you implanted me with the L5's?"

"The Illusive Man was adamant that we bring you back exactly as you were," Miranda replied. "I chose to improve your performance on the battlefield by adding the L5 implant."

"What else did you 'add' on to me while I was out?" Serena hissed.

Miranda rolled her eyes. "Just the implant," she replied.

"Yeah. Right." Serena muttered under her breath as she finally picked herself up from the mat.

"Shepard, I don't have to be here teaching you how to use your biotics," Miranda retorted.

Serena gave her a harsh laugh. "Don't tell me you're doing this out of the kindness of your heart?"

Miranda glared at her. "The Illusive Man requested that I teach you, and that's the only reason I'm here. Trust me, if I had been in total control over you, you would have a control chip in your head, and I would definitely not be wasting my time down in the cargo hold with you." She uncrossed her arms and took a few steps back until there was a considerable gap between them. "Now, try the charge again."

Serena took a deep breath and allowed her anger to flow into her newfound biotics. She could feel the energy rising from her skin, and her body became enveloped in a blue corona. She gave in to the energy and felt herself zap forward, stopping when she was only inches away from Miranda's face.

Serena couldn't help but smile. That felt incredible! She had finally gotten control of her biotics and had executed the charge perfectly.

"That was awesome!" she exclaimed, moving away from Miranda. "This must be what Kai – um…what biotics feel like."

Serena turned her back to Miranda, not wishing for the Cerberus operative to guess what she was thinking. She had been disappointed when the Illusive Man had told her that Kaidan wasn't available for this mission against the Collectors. She had maintained only a feigned interest in Kaidan's whereabouts, but her heart begged for more information. What was he doing? Did he know that she was alive?

Miranda cleared her throat behind her. "You still need to practice that charge. Just because you got it once, doesn't mean you're an expert at it. We'll continue the practice tomorrow."

Serena didn't need to be told twice. She grabbed a towel and a bottle of water and headed up to the bridge.

She was still getting used to this "new" life. Her biotics, the new _Normandy_, a freakishly cheerful secretary. _And an AI_, she mused walking up to Joker's chair and seeing the blue orb next to him.

"Commander," Joker said in greeting, turning his chair around.

"How're things up here?" she asked, taking a swig of water.

"We're just having an argument over personalization of my workspace," Joker answered.

"Cerberus regulations are clear, Mr. Moreau," EDI replied. "Personalization does not include grease on my bridge cameras."

"It's just mad that all it's footage of me looks like a dream sequence," Joker laughed.

Serena smiled. When she had met Joker back on the Cerberus station, she could not contain her joy at seeing him. She had run up to him and almost crushed him with her hug. He was the only one she trusted and having him at her side made working with Cerberus tolerable.

"How long until we reach Omega?" she asked wiping away the sweat from her brow with the towel.

Joker turned his chair and punched some buttons on his console. "ETA, four hours and 12 minutes," he replied.

Serena nodded. "Great. That'll give me time to take a quick shower and go over the dossiers again. Let me know when we're half an hour out."

It was like the hunt for Saren. Except this time, the team she had to assemble were scattered all over the place. Omega had been closer to their location, and since two of the team members were there, she had wasted no time in setting a course to the infamous station.

Her next stop would be the Citadel. She was looking forward to having a long talk with Anderson and, hopefully, finally finding out where Kaidan was.

She unconsciously raised a hand to her neck. The necklace Kaidan had given her for her birthday two years before still hung around her neck. The leather strap and metal medallion with the image of the sun had survived along with her, and it was something she cherished above all else.

She might not have Kaidan by her side, but she would always have him in her heart.

* * *

Kaidan sat in Councilor Anderson's office poring over the datapad in front of him. He looked up as Anderson placed a cup of coffee in front of him.

"Do you think the rumors are true?" he asked Anderson. "Do you really think she's alive and working for Cerberus?" He tried to keep his voice steady lest it betray how he really felt. He still had trouble believing that Serena might be alive let alone working for Cerberus.

Anderson shrugged. "They're just rumors. You can't read too much into them."

Kaidan took a sip of coffee. "But something is telling you that there might be some truth behind them."

Anderson hesitated slightly before slowly nodding. "We know the kind of sick things that Cerberus is capable of. We received a tip that they might be behind the abduction of the colonies in the Terminus Systems."

Kaidan picked up the datapad in front of him. "And Horizon?"

"The only way to find out for sure that Cerberus is behind the abductions is to send someone to investigate," Anderson began to explain.

"And that's where I come in," Kaidan supplied putting his cup down.

Anderson nodded again. "Yes. You will be dispatched to Horizon to install defense towers around the colony. We'll kill two birds with one stone. The towers will help defend the colony, and we'll find out who is responsible for the abductions."

"How do we know Horizon will even be attacked at all?" Kaidan asked.

"We don't," Anderson answered. "But our intel has picked up some coded communication channels that point to Horizon as a very possible location." He paused briefly before continuing. "I've got to be honest with you, Kaidan. I don't know if Horizon will be hit right now, in a few months, or if it'll even be hit at all. But after Freedom's Progress, we can't afford to ignore these tipoffs."

Kaidan nodded in agreement. "You're right. I'll go grab my gear and take the first shuttle out."

He stood up to go but stopped when Anderson placed a hand on his shoulder.

"We don't know if the rumors about Shepard are true," Anderson said. "But you can't let that get to you, son. Stop thinking about that message you received. Focus on Cerberus and Horizon, nothing else."

Kaidan merely nodded and left the office. His mind was not on the mission as Anderson had suggested, but rather on Serena. As much as he tried to get her out of his mind, she always managed to sneak her way back in. If her name wasn't on the news about a new memorial being built for her, it was something stupid like the VI that ended up erasing his entire computer's memory.

Maybe this trip to Horizon would finally get her out of his mind. He needed a change of scenery. The colony was far away as to not hear Serena's name every five minutes and the installation of the defense towers would certainly keep him busy.

He got to his apartment and quickly began gathering his gear. He grabbed his helmet and paused briefly as he looked inside it.

A week after the Battle of the Citadel, he and Serena had taken a few days' shore leave together. They had traveled to a small tropical island on Earth where they had enjoyed the peace, quiet…and each other. He had woken up one morning to find Serena outside on the balcony watching the sunrise. He had gotten his camera and called out to her. When she turned around, he caught her image with the sun rising in the background.

It was a picture he carried with him everywhere he went. Everything else he owned had been destroyed in the _Normandy_, but this picture had remained inside the back of his helmet where he had always kept it.

He made a movement to remove the picture and then stopped himself. He wasn't ready yet.

He might be trying to get her out of his mind, but he would never be able to get her out of his heart.


	4. Chapter 3

_**AN: I'm baa-aack! Serena finally made her way into my mind, and I'm excited to continue her story. I had a few qualms about this chapter, but you can read all about it at the end. Wouldn't want to spoil anything for you! So, on with the show!**_

* * *

Serena maintained a fairly neutral expression as she walked back to the _Normandy_ with Miranda and Jacob following closely behind her. Underneath the stony exterior, however, she was seething. Her trip to the Citadel had been a waste. Granted, she had regained her Spectre status, but the Council still didn't believe anything she said about the Reapers. If the turian councilor used the air quotes in her face again, she was personally going to boot his ass into space when the Reapers invaded. And, while Councilor Anderson had been nothing but kind and had even defended her against the Council, he still couldn't tell her where Kaidan was – something that she was getting really tired of hearing.

She quickly filled Joker in on the situation, making sure to keep her voice neutral as well. She was keenly aware that Miranda and Jacob (well, Miranda at least) were watching her closely, and she didn't want them knowing the effect the meeting with the Council had on her.

"Take us to the Hourglass Nebula," she told Joker. She wanted to get as far away from the Citadel as possible. "We're picking up the convict. I'll be in my room if anyone needs me."

She turned to leave, effectively dismissing Miranda and Jacob without so much as a glance towards them. Kaidan had once told her that her eyes betrayed her emotions. No matter how much her face and body language were relaxed and calm, her eyes always reflected what she was really feeling. Of course, Miranda and Jacob wouldn't know that, but she didn't want to risk it either way.

She was even proud of the way she was keeping her biotics under control. It had been a struggle, but she had finally learned to suppress her emotions enough to where her biotics weren't flaring every time she got mad.

As she approached the CIC deck, she fought the urge to race to the elevator. She wanted to avoid Kelly, but was disappointed to find the administrative assistant at her position near the Galaxy map like always. The secretary practically bounced up to her as soon as she descended the stairs into the deck.

"Commander, you have new messages at your private terminal," Kelly began.

Serena managed to avoid rolling her eyes. Barely. "Thank you, Ms. Chambers," she replied, even adding a smile.

It wasn't that she didn't like Kelly. Serena just didn't see the need for someone to be telling her that she had messages every five seconds. And she didn't understand why they would need someone to evaluate the crew's psyche. Serena had made it a point to visit with all the members of the new _Normandy_. She was pleasantly surprised that not all the crew believed in Cerberus' views and reiterated her open door policy to each of them. She was sure that, if anyone had a problem, they would go to her first instead of Kelly.

"Please call me Kelly. How was your meeting with the Council?"

Serena wasn't sure how much longer she could last with the fake smile on her face. Her cheeks were already beginning to hurt.

"It was…eventful," Serena lied. "I will read the messages in my room. Thanks again, Kelly."

She practically ran to the elevator before Kelly began bombarding her with questions. Serena made her way into her room and took a moment to lean back against the door and let out a breath. She quickly took off her armor, changed into some workout clothes, and began wrapping her hands. One thing she was finding out about Cerberus was that they were doing everything in their power to accommodate her. She had requested for a punching bag to be installed in her room, and lo and behold, she had actually gotten it.

She began a simple boxing routine, finally allowing herself to let her guard down. With each punch, her body truly relaxed, and she began to reflect on what she had learned so far about Kaidan. So, he had been promoted? Good for him. Kaidan was an excellent soldier, and he deserved the promotion. But what was this about some classified mission he was on? She knew Anderson couldn't say anything else because of her ties with Cerberus, but still…she had wanted to see him so badly, wanted for him to be next to her as she investigated the Collectors. She would just have to make do with the old holo of Kaidan that she had Joker get for her. It wasn't the best picture of him, but it was the best Joker could get without it looking suspicious. She didn't want for Cerberus to know about her relationship with Kaidan. She knew having a picture of him in her room gave it away, but she didn't care.

The door to her room swished open, and she was surprised to see Garrus walking in. She still felt guilty at waiting so long to go for him. Had she known that he was Archangel, she would have gone straight for him. As it turned out, recruiting Mordin had taken longer than she had expected and, by the time she had reached Garrus, he was badly in need of assistance.

"Garrus!" she exclaimed. "You're okay!"

She went up to him and stopped herself before she hugged him – something he was probably grateful for considering all that he had been through. She silently chastised herself for not going to see him in the med bay. After getting him back to the _Normandy_, Garrus had remained under Chakwas' observation, and Serena was genuinely surprised to see him walking around.

"Joker told me I would find you up here," he began. "Nice place you got here, Shepard." He looked around, and she gave him a gentle punch in the arm as she smiled up at him. "Ow, first a rocket to the face and now I get punched by my commanding officer?"

Serena sobered up at the mention of the rocket. "Garrus, I'm so sorry – "

"Don't, Shepard," he said, holding up a hand. "I'm just glad you got there when you did. You saved my life." He paused for a moment before adding, "Nobody would give me a mirror. How bad it is?"

Serena smiled again. It was good to have her old buddy back. "Hell, Garrus, you were always ugly. Slap some face paint on there, and no one will even notice."

He gave her a small chuckle before groaning in pain. "Don't make me laugh, damn it. My face is barely holding together as it is."

Serena gave him another punch in the arm. It was just like old times. She just needed to find the rest of her old crew, and she would be set. This time, she did go up to him to give him a quick hug.

"Glad to have you at my side, Garrus."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, Shepard."

* * *

Kaidan wiped the grease from his hands on a nearby rag. He had been on Horizon for two weeks already, and he still couldn't get the damn defense towers online. He sighed and used the back of his hand to wipe the sweat from his brow. He had been kneeling in front of the control panel for what seemed like years. His back and knees were aching, and it was unbearably hot.

The colonists were going to give him hell again. They resented his presence because he was part of the Alliance. They felt his presence would only endanger them and make them a bigger target for whoever was abducting the colonists. The only colonist who was at least being civil to him was Lilith and, while he didn't mind her company, he got annoyed at her constant prying into his personal life. Speaking of the devil…

"Hi, Commander!" she said, walking up to him with a glass in hand.

"Lilith," he acknowledged. "I've told you, my name is Kaidan not Commander."

A sudden thought popped into his head. The night Serena had told him her name.

"_I have to admit, Kaidan, no one has ever called me by my first name. It's always Commander or Shepard. I swear, people probably think my first name is 'Commander'." _

Kaidan shook the thought aside as Lilith gave him a slight blush and put the cold glass in his hand. "For you," she said. "You've been out here for hours, and I figured you were thirsty."

"Thank you," he said before taking a long drink from the glass. The cold liquid felt good against his parched throat. It was too hot to be in his armor, but he wore it every day in case the colony was attacked. He made a move to stand up before Lilith stopped him with her question.

"Your girlfriend?" she asked innocently, pointing to his helmet.

_Dammit_. He had forgotten to move his helmet when Lilith had approached. She had obviously seen Serena's picture inside. He could just say "Yes" and finally stop her from asking him to dinner every night. But he couldn't bring himself to lie.

"She…was," he said, turning away from Lilith and setting down the glass. "She died two years ago."

"I'm so sorry," Lilith replied softly, placing a hand on his arm. "What happened?"

Kaidan had never openly talked about Serena's death. Sure, he had seen a shrink – all the _Normandy_ crew had – but he had never allowed himself to talk about it after that.

"The ship we served on was attacked," he began. "We had to evacuate, but our pilot wouldn't leave his station." The bitter thoughts invaded Kaidan's mind. "She ordered me to evacuate, to make sure everyone made it out safely, while she stayed behind to go after him. He survived…but she got blasted away before she could make it into the escape pod."

Kaidan closed his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to say that it was his fault, that he should have stayed behind with her. He forced his emotions aside and took a deep breath.

"She was beautiful," Lilith whispered, and Kaidan opened his eyes to find her with his helmet in her hands, staring at Serena's picture.

He could only nod before he finally got to his feet and took the helmet from her hands.

"Thank you for the drink," he said, walking away slowly.

He needed to get back to his room. He hadn't thought of Serena since he had arrived on Horizon. The defense towers had kept him busy, and he was always so exhausted at the end of the day that it was all he could do to just take a shower and sleep. The talk of her death had reawakened his emotions.

"Kaidan, wait," Lilith ran to catch up to him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked – "

"No, Lilith, you don't have to apologize. Serena…well, she's the only woman I ever loved. It's still hard to talk about her…her death."

"Kaidan, it's been two years…"

"I know," he replied, a little too loud. "I know. I, uh, I need to get back to my room."

"Would you like to come over for dinner?"

Kaidan stopped. Every day the same question, and every day the same answer. He looked down at Serena's picture. Her long brown hair was slightly mussed like she had just gotten out of bed. Her mouth had quirked into a quick smile, and her silver eyes were bright with happiness.

Maybe it was time to let go. Two years of his life had been spent in mourning. How much longer was he going to be like this? It wouldn't hurt to at least have dinner with Lilith. He _did_ need to go out more. Besides, he knew that it could never turn into anything more than friendship. He had already given his heart away to Serena, and he couldn't even fathom becoming romantically involved with someone else.

He turned to Lilith. "Sure. I'll go by your place around seven."

* * *

_**AN: Grrrr, so yeah. I soooo hated the opening scene to Horizon where Kaidan was walking with Lilith. I was like "What the hell? He's mine!" lol! I debated for a while whether Kaidan should go to dinner with Lilith or not and decided that as long as Kaidan felt it was just a friendly dinner, it wouldn't hurt for him to go. Now, Lilith on the other hand…*cue suspenseful music***_


	5. Chapter 4

"Seriously, Commander, what the hell? Do you need to start a firefight wherever we go?" Joker asked, spinning around in his chair as Serena made her way up behind him, datapad in hand.

"Okay, first of all, how did you know it was me? And, second of all, it's never my fault. I swear! Trouble just follows me wherever I go." It was true. From her time back on Earth, to Elysium, to the hunt for Saren…it seemed that a good firefight was never far behind. She even thought "trouble" should be her middle name.

"I always know your footsteps. Stealth is not your biggest forte. Though I'm still keeping my request for mirrors open. Some of these recruits you're picking up are a bit shady. But don't tell any of them I said that." He turned back to the controls as Serena took the seat to his right. "It was a simple pick-up. How did _that_ turn out so horribly wrong?"

Serena shrugged as she adjusted her body to look out the window. "Apparently the warden had other plans in mind." Her hand reached up to touch the medallion hanging from her neck. "He was eager to capture 'The Great Commander Shepard'". Joker's snort of laughter made her turn back to him.

"Poor guy didn't have a chance," he said, making her smile.

"Damn right."

"Soooo, not that I don't mind your company, but what brings you up here?"

Serena just shook her head at Joker's bluntness. He had probably been watching some illegal extranet site and was annoyed that she had gone up to bother him.

"This," she said simply, handing him the datapad.

Joker took a few minutes to read the information on the pad and then slowly looked up at her.

"Are you…are you sure you want to do this?"

Serena nodded. Right now, it was the only thing she was sure of. "I still need to tell Chakwas and Garrus, but I wanted you to be the first to know."

"Do you want me to set a course – "

"Right away," Serena nodded again. She needed this. Needed to see it for herself. "And I want you to come with me."

There was a slightly awkward pause in which they both seemed to relive the last moments of her life. They hadn't spoken about it. It seemed that they had come to a silent mutual understanding in which they wouldn't talk about the circumstances of her death.

"I…yeah, okay," Joker finally said. "I'll go."

Serena stood up and reached out to squeeze his shoulder before making her way to the elevator. Joker's voice rang over the comm just as she pushed the button to the third deck.

"ETA to Alchera, 8 hours and 34 minutes."

* * *

Kaidan lay down in his bed afraid to go to sleep. He had been having those dreams again. The ones where Serena would talk to him. He sighed scrubbing his hands over his face. Damn it. The dinner with Lilith had brought back all his memories of Serena full force.

It wasn't that he was even thinking of Lilith in any way other than as a friend. After that first dinner, he had opted to just be on his own. He knew how easily rumors spread in such a small colony, and the last thing he needed was for everyone to think he and Lilith were seeing each other. She had been disappointed when Kaidan had rejected her subsequent dinner invitations but seemed to understand. At least, he _thought_ she understood. She had stopped asking him to dinner, and Kaidan was glad that she was also starting to maintain her distance from him as well.

He got off the bed and poured himself a glass of water before settling on a nearby chair. He was frustrated. Even after two years, Serena still affected him. He let out a bitter laugh. He had known her dead longer than he had known her alive. And he was still pining for her.

She had been the only one that he had given his heart to. The only woman that he had opened up to. He had told her everything. Brain Camp, Vyrnnus…and she had accepted him. _Him_. Of all the guys she could have had, she had chosen him.

Kaidan thought back to the days on the _Normandy_. To the first time that he had talked to her in private. He had been in the med bay getting over a migraine when Serena had walked in. The lights had been turned off, but he knew it was her. By that time, he had already memorized her sweet scent. He had turned on a bed lamp and was surprised to see the terror in her eyes. Later, he found out that she had been afraid of the dark.

Kaidan felt a smile spread on his lips. The first real smile since Serena had died. They had talked that night for hours until Dr. Chakwas had finally shooed them out so that they could get some actual sleep.

Those months that he had served on the _Normandy_ had been the best months of his life. He had made real friends, had finally found a home, and he had met Serena. Thinking back, between the side missions for the Alliance and the hunt for Saren, those days had been unpredictable. One day they would be searching for minerals and the next they would be out hot on Saren's trail. But he wouldn't have changed it for the world.

He liked to think that it was the _Normandy_ that had brought them all together. They had all been assigned to the best ship in the fleet. And he had never worked with a better crew. Yes, the _Normandy_ had certainly brought out the best in all of them.

Kaidan finally made his way back into bed. The dreams with Serena were something he had always both dreaded and looked forward to. He loved seeing her, but it was the yearning to be with her that killed him. He rolled over to his stomach and buried his face in the pillow.

He couldn't control his dreams, but if he could, he would stay there with Serena forever.

* * *

Serena could feel her heart pounding against her chest as the shuttle slowed down to land. She looked over at Garrus and Joker. Dr. Chakwas had opted to stay on the ship saying that she didn't want to drudge up any old memories, and Serena had understood, not pressing her further.

Joker looked slightly uncomfortable in his enviro suit. It wasn't as bulky as her's or Garrus' armor, but it was still confining. She took a deep breath before putting on her helmet and then turned around to make sure Joker and Garrus had their helmets on before pushing the button to open the shuttle door.

She stood in the shuttle as she took in the scene before her. There it lay. The _Normandy_, her home, in pieces. A gust of wind picked up a swirl of snow in front of them. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Garrus take a step out.

"You guys coming?" she heard him say through the comm in her helmet.

She merely nodded, afraid her voice would betray the surge of emotions running through her body. She linked her arm with Joker's, and they both followed Garrus out. Garrus quickly went his own way leaving Serena and Joker alone.

"Where should we start?" she asked him, looking around at the huge pieces around them.

"There's only one place I want to go," he answered already pulling her toward the section that contained the bridge.

"Not so fast. I don't want you to fall," she called after him, tightening her grip on his arm.

They made their way into the debris, dodging exposed cables until they finally reached the cockpit. Joker slipped away from her and walked forward to his old station. Serena moved back to give him some privacy. She walked out and began exploring the rest of the ship picking up dogtags along the way. It wasn't until she reached the section that contained the sleeper pods that she almost lost her breath.

Serena's chest felt heavy as she walked into the jumbled mess. This was the last time that she had seen Kaidan. He had run up to her, intent on staying with her on the ship. She knew that the only way to keep him safe, to get him into a pod without her, was to give him an order. And that's what she had done.

_Kaidan. Go. Now_.

Those were the last words she had said to him. Not "My life was nothing before you"…or "I love you". No. It was a damn order.

She needed him. Needed to feel him beside her as they went after the Reapers. Needed to feel his strength so that she could find her own.

"Shepard, you need to take a look at this," Garrus' voice cut through her thoughts.

She took one last look around the area and then located Garrus on her HUD. She met Joker as he came out of his own section, and they walked together toward Garrus on the far end of the clearing. Garrus seemed to be staring at something on the ledge in front of them.

"What's wrong?" she asked, getting ready to take out her pistol if the need arose. She saw him point up to the ledge, and Serena couldn't contain the gasp that escaped from her lips.

He had been pointing to her helmet. Her beloved N7 helmet. She climbed up and reached for it. The cold weather had done nothing to mar the exterior. It looked the same as the last time she had put it on.

She jumped off the ledge, gripping the helmet tightly in one arm. "Are you guys ready to go?"

Garrus and Joker both nodded, and they made their way back to the shuttle.

"Thank you," she said to them as the shuttle drove them back to the SR-2. They had all removed their helmets, and Serena could tell that they had all cried at some point during their excursion though no one would ever admit to it. "Thank you for coming with me."

"I would walk into hell with you, Shepard," Garrus said gruffly.

"I may not be on the battlefield next to you," Joker added, "but I'm with you every step of the way."

Serena nodded, acknowledging their loyalty. She felt comforted by their trust and faith in her. If only she could find that faith in herself.


	6. Chapter 5

Serena hesitated outside Miranda's door. She had prolonged this visit long enough, what were a few more minutes? She had made the time to visit with all the members of the SR-2. The crew members, the growing squad…she had talked to them all. Well, everyone except Miranda.

What with the constant biotic training she had to endure from the Cerberus operative and the continuous recruiting missions, the last thing Serena wanted to do at the end of the day was see Miranda yet again. And, quite frankly, she got on Serena's nerves.

But she had to at least make an effort to be civil. The woman did spend the better part of two years bringing her back to life. In an odd sort of way, she owed Miranda her life.

And it's not like they had to be best friends or something. Miranda was a constant in Serena's squad – something Serena suspected had to do more with Miranda keeping an eye on her than anything else. She couldn't deny the woman had great skills and biotics. Not as strong as Kaidan, but enough to get them out of a jam when need be. If the woman was going to be with her on all her missions, the least Serena could do was to learn a little bit about her.

Finally making up her mind to go through with it, she was about to lift up her hand to open the door when the door actually swooshed open on its own. Miranda stood in front of her, arms crossed over her chest and her hips cocked to one side.

"EDI tells me you've been pacing outside my room for ten minutes," Miranda said, eyes looking at her suspiciously. "Something you need, Commander?"

"I…" Serena paused. Well, this was awkward. "I just came to talk."

Miranda raised an eyebrow but stepped to the side to allow Serena to go in. Miranda moved to sit behind her desk while Serena chose the seat in front.

"I'm sure you have a lot of questions about Cerberus and Project Lazarus," Miranda commented getting back to her work on the computer terminal.

"Yes, I do," Serena conceded. "But, I actually came to talk about you."

"Me?" Miranda looked up.

Serena could tell she had just caught her by surprise. "Yes, I want to know more about you."

Miranda pushed back from her desk but remained in her seat. "I guess it's only fair since I know so much about you."

Serena wanted to ask her exactly how much she knew but decided to stay quiet. Making angry retorts was the opposite of what she came here to do. Miranda finally stood up and began pacing the room as she told Serena about her father and how she was genetically modified to be perfect. She went on to explain how she escaped to Cerberus for protection.

Serena couldn't help but feel a little sympathy for Miranda. Just a little. "You talk about yourself like you're just a…a tool to be used – by your father, by Cerberus."

"Maybe," Miranda acknowledged, moving to sit behind her desk again. "I like to know where I fit in the world. It helps me find meaning in how I was created."

Serena shook her head at Miranda's thinking. "You are who you are, Miranda. You don't need to make excuses for it. Your spirit and your personality…" _As bitchy as it is_. "…are what make you, well, you."

"That's easy for you to say." Miranda leaned forward, moving her terminal screen aside. "We've both been engineered for greatness, Shepard. The difference is, you were great before we rebuilt you. I'm great because of it."

Did she…did Miranda just give her a compliment? Serena didn't know what to say. Miranda had never been _nice_ to her. Ever. And now here she was making a halfhearted attempt at a compliment. Maybe she did have a heart after all. Before Serena had a chance to reply, her comm beeped and Joker's voice filled the room.

"Commander, we will be approaching Korlus in 30 minutes."

"Thanks, Joker," Serena called out. Turning to Miranda she said, "Thanks for the talk. I'll meet you down in the shuttle bay in 10 minutes."

Miranda merely nodded as Serena made her way out of the room and up to the main battery. She banged on the door and smiled when Garrus opened it.

"Grab your gear. Time to get us a krogan."

* * *

Kaidan sat in front of his computer terminal trying to figure out what was wrong with the defense towers. Schematics of the towers filled out datapads that were strewn about on his desk. He was so engrossed in his work, he almost failed to notice the ping on his terminal that was notifying him of a new e-mail message.

He let out a frustrated sigh, annoyed at the interruption. It was probably Anderson just confirming that he had received Kaidan's report on the defense towers. He ignored it and continued to pore over the data in front of him.

What the hell was wrong with those towers? He had half a mind to just go out there, dismantle them, and start from scratch. The towers had already been installed by the time he had arrived on Horizon. It had been up to him to actually get them to work.

He ran a hand through his hair. He was starting to feel the familiar dull pain starting to form behind his eyes and around his temples. He had been going at this for hours; he needed a break before his headache turned into a migraine.

He stood up to take his migraine medication when his terminal pinged again. Kaidan groaned out loud. The last thing he wanted was for Anderson to be asking him about the useless defense towers. He had mentioned in his report that they were not functioning, but he couldn't tell the Alliance why until he had figured it out himself.

And, as for Cerberus, Kaidan still hadn't found any connection between the terrorist group and the colony of Horizon. As far as he knew, the colony had no ties to the rogue organization. But then again, Cerberus could just be picking out colonies randomly. It never hurt to be prepared. And that's why he needed to those damn defense towers to work.

He opted to take a shower before settling down to read the new messages. Maybe the warm water would help ease the pain that was already forming around his head. He stripped off his shirt, walking around in just sweatpants as he picked up a towel and headed to the bathroom. With the sweatpants quickly discarded, he stepped into the shower and turned on the water.

He let the warm water try to erase his thoughts. The dreams of Serena, the problem with the towers, the rumors of Cerberus…he pretended that they were all just running from the top of his head all the way down into the drain with the water. He finished rinsing and reluctantly made his way back to his room with a towel wrapped around his waist.

He took one look at the computer terminal and decided he had had enough for one day. He would check his messages tomorrow. He was exhausted and knew he needed some sleep. Hopefully, this time, there would be no dreams.

* * *

Serena sat cross legged in front of the baby krogan's tank still trying to decide what to do with it. She leaned back, stretching out her legs in front of her as she stared at the creature. He looked oddly cute. Like a baby in the womb.

That's it. She was going to do it. She needed to see for herself the gift that Okeer had so graciously passed on to her. She stood up and was about to call out to EDI when Kelly's voice rang over her comm.

"Commander, the Illusive Man wants to speak with you in the briefing room."

Serena sighed. "I'll be right up, Kelly."

She stepped up to the tank's glass window. "Looks like you're going to have to wait a bit longer to be born." And with that, she headed out of the room.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Serena had to take a few minutes to regain her composure out in the hallway between the briefing room, the lab and the armory. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she fought to control it with a few deep breaths. She didn't want the Illusive Man to know how much his news had affected her. She had waited patiently while she heard him out and tried to reply in the most noncommittal way possible. Inside, however, her heart had started accelerating at an abnormal rate and it was all she could do to keep her hands from clenching into fists.

She had to tell Joker. She couldn't say it over the comm for fear that someone would hear the tremble in her voice. She took another deep breath before setting her "Commander" mask back over her face. She walked hurriedly through the armory, throwing a quick nod in Jacob's direction. In the CIC, Kelly tried to get her attention.

"Commander, how did your meeting – "

But Serena rushed right past her, just waving a hand to let Kelly know she didn't want to be bothered. Here steps quickened as she practically raced up the catwalk.

"We need to get to Horizon," she told Joker breathlessly.

"Commander, why – "

"Kaidan." It was all she could say at the moment. Her mind was still processing the information that the Illusive Man had given her.

Joker gave her a look of understanding before turning around to his console and punching in the coordinates. She sat down to his right, forcing herself to calm down before meeting with Mordin. Finally, _finally_ she knew where Kaidan was. But she needed to get there before the Collectors. She wasn't going to let them take him away.

* * *

Kaidan glanced at the schematics one last time. He was sure he had finally figured out what was wrong with the towers.

He put on his armor, just like he always did whenever he went out. He strapped the pistol to his side and the assault rifle on his back. There still hadn't been a need to use them, but he figured it was better to be safe than sorry. The colonies that had disappeared had been seemingly attacked without warning. In all of the surveillance photos, it was a common site to see half eaten dinner plates still on the table.

He made his way out the door. The defense towers were on the other side of the colony and, while he didn't mind the walking, it was the heat that always got on his nerves. He almost wished he could just go back and don some civvies. He hated sweating in the armor.

He was halfway to his destination when he noticed Lilith walking up to him. It had been a few days since he had last seen her.

"Hi, Kaidan!" she replied cheerfully. "Mind if I walk with you."

He actually didn't mind. The sun was starting to creep its way over the colony but Kaidan was actually in a good mood.

"Not at all. I'm just on my way to the towers. I think I finally figured out why the defense towers aren't working."

Lilith beamed at him. "I knew you would figure it out!"

As they walked, she filled him in on what she had been doing for the past few days. Kaidan tried to pay attention as they dodged residents going this way and that. He swore he could hear a faint buzzing sound, and he was trying to pinpoint where it was coming from. Something flew in front of them making both of them stop.

"What is that?" Lilith asked staring at the creature that had disappeared into a tree. The noise grew louder.

Kaidan reached back for his assault rifle and looked through the scope. Holy shit. What the hell was that thing?

"Get everyone to the safehouse," he told Lilith as calmly as he could, still looking into the scope. By now, more residents had stopped to see what was making so much noise. He didn't want everyone to start panicking.

A swarm of flying creatures filled the sky. Behind them a large ship loomed into view. Kaidan's heart dropped to his stomach. For the first time since he had arrived on Horizon, he was actually glad that he had put on his armor.

* * *

_**AN: And now on to the horror of Horizon…**_


	7. Chapter 6

_What hurts the most_

_Is being so close,_

_And having so much to say_

_And watching you walk away._

_And never knowing_

_What could have been._

_And not seeing that loving you_

_Is what I was trying to do._

_-What Hurts the Most, by Rascal Flatts_

* * *

Serena's heart fell when she saw the huge ship already docked at Horizon. As fast as they had gotten there, the Collectors had still arrived before them. No. She wasn't going to let them win that easily. There was someone on that colony that she wanted more, and the Collectors weren't going to stop her.

The shuttle finally landed, and Serena ignored the sense of foreboding that tried to sneak up on her. The colony was eerily quiet, and the various items left haphazardly about only added to the creepiness of the deserted settlement.

"Miranda, Jack, cover my flanks," Serena quickly ordered. "Garrus…"

"On your six," he acknowledged, already in position.

Serena nodded. "I'll take point."

They moved quietly through the colony, and Serena had to wonder if the Collectors were even there at all. She didn't have to ponder for long, however. No sooner had they reached the bend to delve deeper into the colony that they encountered their first enemies.

The team quickly set to work. Under Serena's direction, they worked together remarkably well. Any problems they had with each other on the ship were quickly discarded on the battlefield. They moved further into the colony, and Serena's anger at seeing the frozen colonists only fueled her desire to get rid of the Collectors once and for all.

At each frozen body, Serena stopped, looking for the familiar dark hair and brown eyes that she saw every time she closed her eyes. They came upon a warehouse, meeting a colonist named Delan who informed them of the useless defense towers the Alliance had tried to set up. She advised him to remain in the warehouse while they continued to the defense towers.

Every corner held more enemies, more frozen colonists. Serena had yet to see Kaidan's body, and she was beginning to fear that he had already been taken to the ship. They defended their position at the towers as EDI tried getting them online, and Serena fought like she had never fought before, one person still on her mind. Miranda would be proud of the control she had already gained over her biotics. Charging into the Collectors or sending a riveting shockwave their way, she continued to put her all into the fight.

With the defense towers finally working, the Collector ship began to take off.

_No!_ Serena wanted to scream at the fleeing ship. She had failed all of them. She had failed him.

* * *

Kaidan strained to hear what was going on beyond the static hissing of the stasis field he was stuck in. He could vaguely make out gunshots and voices. But were they friend of foe? He struggled in vain within the confines of the field, but it would not give.

How had the Alliance known they had been attacked? Kaidan was the only Alliance member on Horizon, and he sure as hell hadn't sent out any distress signal. Or maybe…maybe Anderson got concerned after Kaidan didn't reply to his messages and dispatched a team to find out if everything was okay.

No. That didn't make any sense. Anderson would be concerned, but not to the point of sending out a whole team to investigate. Then who, exactly, had arrived at the colony just as they were being attacked?

If Kaidan could gasp, he would have. And loudly. Of course! Cerberus. They must be following the beings that attacked the colony. But if they were working together, why would Cerberus be fighting against them? Nothing Kaidan came up with made any sense. And the frustration that was mounting from being stuck in stasis didn't help at all.

Suddenly, Kaidan heard the defense towers open fire. Well, whoever was out there must be some sort of tech genius. What had taken him almost a month to figure out, they had gotten in just the couple of hours that they were here.

A roaring sound caught his ears next, and before he had a chance to figure out what it was, his stasis field had broken. He looked up to see the ship leaving. Their departure must have triggered the field to break.

For a moment, he just stood there, taking deep breaths. He had failed the colony. If he had gotten the defense towers working sooner, the colony would've at least had a chance to defend itself.

He ran toward the defense towers. Around him, other colonists that had been in stasis began to move around. He would check on them later. First, he needed to make sure that whoever had brought the defense towers online was friendly. He was still there to defend the colonists no matter how much they resented him being there.

He was just coming around the bend when he heard a voice that nearly did him in. That voice! The same voice he heard almost every night in his dreams. The same voice that haunted him everywhere he went. He forced himself to calm down and keep walking. It couldn't be her. She was…dead.

And yet there she was. Maybe he was dreaming. Or more, maybe he had died. But if he was dead, then Delan wouldn't be talking to him right now.

"You're in the presence of a legend," he told Delan, without removing his eyes from the woman in front of him. "And a ghost."

Kaidan let his eyes rove over her body, ignoring the people that surrounded her. The sleek N7 armor did little to hide her curves. Curves that his hands had roamed over two years ago. His gaze reached her face just as she was removing her helmet.

It was her, yet she looked so different. Faint red scars crisscrossed her face. Her long brown hair was pulled back into a French braid. Wisps of hair were plastered to her face. Her silver eyes were bright with unshed tears, and he knew that he was looking at his Serena. He pulled her into a hug.

How many times had he wished he could have held her in his arms and never let go? How many times had he dreamt of this very moment? All those wishes, all those dreams were nothing compared to what he was experiencing having her so near him.

Her scent immediately filled his senses. The smell of sweet orchids penetrated his very soul. But there was something else. The crisp electric smell of biotic energy also filled the air – something he had never associated with her as she wasn't a biotic. But at that moment, he didn't care. Though she was clad in armor, he could still feel the warmth of her body, meaning that she was _alive_ and in his arms.

"Kaidan," she whispered hoarsely in his ear. His heart nearly stopped. He never thought he would ever hear her say his name again.

Hearing his name and holding her in his arms brought back a flood of memories and emotions. Things he had worked so hard to forget pooled into the bottom of his stomach and worked its way up. Two years. Two years or loneliness, anger, guilt and sadness inundated his body. Emotions so intense, he could not control the words that came out of his mouth next.

* * *

He may as well have slapped her. She had been beaten, shot at, she had even frickin' died for God's sake, but nothing hurt more than Kaidan's words. They cut her to the very core.

She tried opening her mouth to say something – anything – but nothing came out. He was walking away from her, and she was left speechless. Her heart screamed out his name, begged for him to hear her out and come back. But her mind thought otherwise. She took a tentative step forward, Kaidan's name on her lips, but a hand reached out in front of her and stopped her.

"Shepard, let him go," Miranda said quietly.

Serena could only nod, turning away from Miranda, Jack and Garrus so that they wouldn't see how much Kaidan had affected her. She placed a hand over the comm unit in her ear. "Joker, bring the shuttle around. I've had enough of this colony."

The ride back to the SR-2 was spent in uncomfortable silence. Serena sat apart from the others, helmet in her lap and looking out the shuttle window. Her jaw was clenched in an effort to suppress the tears that were threatening to spill at any moment.

Kaidan's words reverberated in her head. How could he have dismissed her so easily? After all they had been through, with Saren and Sovereign. How could he possibly think that she was working _for_ Cerberus? How could he possibly think that she hadn't tried looking for him?

The shuttle finally landed in the shuttle bay, and she mumbled that she would be up in her cabin if they needed her. Thankfully, they left her alone. Even Jack didn't make any smart-alecky remarks. The elevator ride seemed to take ages as it ascended up to the first deck. She quickly discarded her armor and underclothes ignoring the picture of Kaidan on her desk.

Stepping under the shower spray, Serena was finally able to release the hurt that Kaidan had caused her. She sat down and hugged her knees to her chest, much like she had done when Ashley had died, and cried until she was well spent. Biotic energy flared across her body as she let her emotions get the best of her.

It was only then that the two years finally hit her. They had made it so easy for her to forget that she was gone for that long. Bringing in Joker and Dr. Chakwas, rebuilding the _Normandy_, even finding Garrus. She never even contemplated that Kaidan had moved on. She had just assumed that the moment she found him, it would be just like old times, and he would join her as if she hadn't been dead for two years.

Who was she kidding?

She didn't know how long she remained in the shower. When she finally emerged, the skin on her fingers and toes was puckered, and her eyes were red and puffy. She slipped on her usual pajamas and settled into bed. All she wanted was to sleep for days. All she wanted was to forget Horizon.

* * *

Kaidan replayed the conversation in his head. What the hell had he done? He had seen the pain in her eyes, and he had kept going. She had taken it, listened to what he had to say. Her face had remained stoic and passive, but her eyes…her eyes had always betrayed the way she really felt. And he had hurt her.

He had been so angry and confused. It wasn't possible to come back from the dead. Where had she been for the past two years? Why hadn't she tried to contact him? Did their time together mean nothing to her?

Kaidan winced at the pain that was starting to form in his head. He was on his way back to the Citadel, and he was trying to control his biotic energy from swirling all over his body. He had caught a ride with a turian ship, and the last thing he needed was for them to think he was attacking them. He leaned back in his seat and forced himself to relax.

Once he reached the Citadel, he knew he was going to be in meeting after endless meeting. After his encounter with Serena, he had immediately contacted Anderson and Hackett. There was nothing more for Kaidan to do at Horizon. They had sent out ships to pick up the remaining colonists, and Kaidan was to return to the Citadel to be formally debriefed.

He had so many questions about the whole bizarre situation. Questions he wasn't sure he wanted the answers to. He pressed a hand to his head as the migraine crept up on him. With everything that was going on, for once, he was glad that he could lose himself in the intense pain of the migraine. The migraine medication would ease the pain in his head eventually. If only the same could be said of the pain in his heart.


	8. Chapter 7

_Serena quietly slipped out of bed. She looked back at the sleeping form beside her making sure she hadn't woken him. It had been a long time since she had seen a sunrise, and she didn't know when she would have another chance. Clad only in Kaidan's shirt, she made her way to the balcony._

_There was still about ten minutes to go, but she enjoyed just standing there in the quiet darkness. After months of fighting and finally bringing down Saren and Sovereign, a little peace and quiet was just what they needed. And she had taken Kaidan up on his offer to join him during shore leave. She knew this would probably be the last leave for a long time, and she wanted to enjoy every minute of it._

_She inhaled the morning air, savoring its crisp taste. Ever so slowly, the sun made its way over the ocean before her. The vibrant hues of orange, yellow and red filled the sky. It made her senses come alive. She heard Kaidan call her name and turned in time for him to snap a picture of her._

"_Kaidan!" she admonished, scrunching up her nose._

"_What?" he laughed, putting down the camera and making his way toward her. "Just taking a picture of the breathtaking view." _

_He kissed her forehead before she turned around to watch the sun. His arms circled around her waist, and she leaned back against him enjoying his closeness. As the sun made its way over the horizon, Serena closed her eyes in content. _

_Suddenly, she felt Kaidan disappear. She was falling back, and he wasn't there to catch her. Her heart beat rapidly at the sensation that she was falling. Falling into the unknown. Kaidan's voice echoed in the dark chasm of her nightmare._

_You betrayed the Alliance._

_You betrayed me._

Serena awoke with a start. She had, literally, bounced on the bed almost as if she had actually fallen. Her chest was hurting, and she couldn't seem to catch her breath. She forced herself to calm down. It had been like this every night since Horizon. These dreams turned nightmares and the anxiety attacks that followed.

She needed to get a hold of herself. As much as she wanted to just crawl into a ball and cry for days, she had people that were relying on her. She needed to keep going, if not for herself, then for her crew and squad. She glanced over at the clock – 0200. They'd be nearing Illium in about six hours.

She had to _do_ something. She couldn't go back to sleep and six hours was a long time to wait. A sudden idea occurred to her. She went over to her closet and began taking out anything Cerberus related. All the shirts and tunics – anything emblazoned with the Cerberus logo went into a pile outside her closet door. She continued until there was only her armor, a few pairs of pajama pants and some tank tops left.

When she was finally satisfied that she had gotten everything, she scooped up the pile and made her way down to the fourth deck. Barely able to see over the pile, she somehow managed to walk over to the trash compactor. To her surprise, Zaeed was awake, sitting on a crate and cleaning his guns. He raised an eyebrow at her as she stuffed the clothing into the trash bin and then pressed the button for it to eject out into space. Dramatically dusting off her hands, she went up to the window and watched with satisfaction as everything floated away.

Zaeed cleared his throat. "Decided ye needed a change of wardrobe?" he asked.

"Something like that."

"Well, if yer gonna be walking around in jus' those flimsy pajamas, I definitely need ta get out more often."

Serena suddenly realized that she was still in her pajamas and tank top. Backing away to the door as fast as she could, she made a mental note to go shopping in Illium. Hell, maybe she would give the task to Kelly. God knew the Yeoman needed _something_ to do. She would talk to Kelly before heading out to pick up the new recruits.

As Serena walked into her room, she felt a renewed sense of self. She just needed to stay busy. Anything to keep her mind off of Kaidan. She sat in front her terminal, still ignoring Kaidan's picture beside her, and began sifting through all her mail. She was surprised to see a message from Miranda. The urgency in the message piqued her interest. She checked the time the message was sent…only a couple of hours ago. Maybe Miranda was still awake.

Serena closed her terminal and, for lack of anything else to wear, she put on her armor. She made her way to the third deck, stopping by for a couple of cups of coffee before ringing Miranda's door. She felt a little silly standing in front of her XO's door in full armor. Miranda, however, didn't mention anything as she opened her door, and Serena handed her a mug of the steaming liquid. From the looks of it, Miranda hadn't slept at all. _Well, that makes two of us_, Serena thought wryly as Miranda motioned for her to take a seat.

"Thank you for the coffee, Shepard, and for seeing me so quickly. I…" Miranda set the mug down and began pacing up and down the room. She ran her hands through her hair in frustration.

Serena sat up straighter as she tried to figure out what Miranda wanted to talk to her about. Something was seriously wrong. She had never seen Miranda acting like anything less than, well, perfect. She was about to ask Miranda what the hell was wrong with her when the Cerberus operative stopped pacing and moved to stand in front of her.

Miranda took a deep breath and managed to ball her hands into fists at her side. "Shepard, I find myself in the unfortunate position of asking for your help. I don't like discussing personal matters, but this is important."

Serena raised an eyebrow. Well, she certainly wasn't expecting that. She figured that Miranda had wanted to chastise her after her reaction to Kaidan's rejection. Serena regretted that she had shown those emotions on Horizon in front of the others, but Kaidan always had that effect on her. She had once thought that it was like all her emotions were just bottled up, and Kaidan was the only one who could open the lid.

"I'll try my best to help you out, Miranda. What's wrong?" Serena took a sip of her coffee, and it was only because of her intense ability to control her emotions that she didn't spit out the liquid at Miranda's reply.

"It's about my sister."

* * *

Kaidan straightened out his uniform and took a deep breath. He only had a chance to shower and change before he was called in for a meeting with the brass. The door to Anderson's office opened and Kaidan was pleasantly surprised to see only Anderson and Hackett. Good. Kaidan didn't want to deal with Udina.

"Please, take a seat, Commander," Anderson said motioning to the chair across from them.

Kaidan gave them a slight nod and sat down. He was nervous. His reports didn't mention anything about Serena, mainly because it was something he wanted to tell them in person. On the trip back to the Citadel, he had rehearsed how he was going to tell them. He didn't want for them to read anything more into it – like his personal feelings for her.

He handed them each a datapad and began outlining his stay at Horizon. The useless defense towers, the arrival of the unknown alien vessel (Kaidan pointed out it was the Collectors), his paralysis in the stasis field, and, finally, the appearance of Cerberus.

"So, Cerberus _is_ behind the abduction of the colonists?" Hackett asked, after Kaidan had given them a run through of his report.

Kaidan shook his head. "I don't think so, sir. They didn't show up until _after_ the Collectors had arrived. The Cerberus agents managed to get the defense towers online and fought the Collectors until their ship finally took off. In essence, they actually _defended_ the colony."

Both Anderson and Hackett look puzzled. Kaidan couldn't blame them. The trip back had also given Kaidan time to think about Cerberus' role in all of this. He had gone to Horizon with the intention of proving Cerberus was behind the abduction of the colonies. Instead, he had proved the opposite and had come back with even more questions than answers. And there was still the biggest question of all…

"Councilor, Admiral, there is one more thing that I didn't mention in my report," Kaidan began. _Here goes nothing_. "She's alive. Commander Shepard was at Horizon, and she was with Cerberus. I talked to her." _And held her and didn't want to let her go._

Kaidan watched as Anderson and Hackett exchanged a look, and now it was Kaidan's turn to look confused.

Anderson cleared his throat. "Yes, we know about Shepard. She came to visit me not long after you left to Horizon. She…she told me about Cerberus."

Kaidan's heart felt like it had sunk to his stomach as he looked away. So they knew – they all knew. Anderson, Hackett, Garrus, hell, even Joker…he had heard Serena call him up as he was walking away. They all knew she was alive and nobody had the gall to tell him – not even her. She had contacted all of them, she even had Garrus and Joker working with her, but she hadn't even tried to get a hold of _him_.

Almost as if reading his thoughts, Anderson spoke again. This time, it was more of a fatherly tone than that of an authority figure.

"Kaidan, the reason we didn't want Udina in this meeting is because of the personal matter of Commander Shepard." He exchanged another glance with Hackett, though Kaidan was still too lost in his own thoughts to notice. "We know you and Shepard were in a relationship."

At this, Kaidan looked up sharply. How had they known and for how long? He and Serena had tried to be as discreet as possible. Why hadn't they ever been reprimanded for fraternization?

"I kind of figured it out after the Battle of the Citadel," Anderson continued. "After she emerged from Sovereign's rubble, she went straight to you. You two held each other like there was no tomorrow. It wouldn't take an idiot to figure out you two had something going on. Her…death…also affected you greatly. Much more than what a normal subordinate would feel for his commanding officer."

Kaidan winced at the memories Anderson was inadvertently bringing up. His promise at never letting Serena out of his sight, the guilt at breaking that promise when the _Normandy_ was attacked…his grief after finding out that she had died.

"Anderson informed me of his speculations, but we decided not to launch a formal investigation," Hackett supplied. "There was too much going on…rebuilding the Citadel, Anderson's induction into the Council, geth activity still being reported. We figured that, as long as it didn't interfere with your duties, we would let it go."

Kaidan didn't know what to say. 'Thank you' didn't seem appropriate considering that had been over two years ago. His mind was still trying to figure out everything else.

"She came here asking for help," Anderson stated. "The Council reinstated her Spectre status, but they wouldn't listen to her warnings about the Reapers. I'm ashamed to admit that, although I backed her up during her meeting with the Council, I also declined to help her. She left my office feeling betrayed. Everything that she had believed in – her oath to the Alliance, her oath as a Spectre – abandoned her when she needed it most. I don't know where she has been for the past two years, but I _can_ tell you that she doesn't want to be working for Cerberus." Anderson paused as he let that bit of information sink in before adding one final thing. "She asked about you…wanted to know where she could find you. I had to stonewall her because of her ties to Cerberus."

Suddenly, Kaidan's anger turned to guilt. He had replayed the Horizon conversation so many times. Each time, he had tried to look beyond her words. Maybe, if he looked hard enough, he would figure out the answers to all his questions. Everything that she had said had been so confusing. What he didn't realize was that the answers had been in front of him all along. She had, literally, told him what he needed to know. At the time, however, he had been too angry to listen. Now, it was all slowly starting to make sense.

_I was clinically dead. _

Kaidan closed his eyes as he tried to recall the rest of the conversation.

_Cerberus rebuilt me. It took two years to bring me back._

He pressed his fingers to his temple, his mind blocking out everything else around him.

_Cerberus and I want the same things: to save our colonists. That doesn't mean I answer to them._

Kaidan opened his eyes as one final thought washed over his mind.

_Kaidan, you _know _me._

He finally looked over at Anderson and Hackett who were both staring at him expectantly. It almost seemed like they were waiting for Kaidan to make up his mind about Serena. Kaidan suddenly realized the reason they had told him about their knowledge of his and Serena's relationship. Anderson and Hackett were showing him that they trusted her…no matter what situation she was in. She had always proved herself and made the right decisions.

Now it was Kaidan's turn to decide whether he could trust her or not. Kaidan, who was the only person Serena had opened up to, the only person who had gotten to know the real Shepard.

Kaidan sighed as his heart finally accepted what his mind saw. Yes, he did know her. She had been right…she was only doing it for the right reason. And because everyone that she thought she could trust betrayed and abandoned her. Including him.

He straightened up in his seat as a new sense of purpose settled over him. Anderson ordered lunch to be delivered to his office as the three of them got to work on all the Collector intel they had. It was going to be a long day, but Kaidan didn't mind. He was determined to help Serena out as much as he could. It was the least he could do after the way he had treated her.

* * *

"There she is. She's safe with her family," Miranda said with a sad smile.

Serena looked over at Miranda's twin. Their genetics might match, but their different upbringing made each woman into their own person. Serena suddenly felt a jolt of sympathy for Miranda. Oriana had grown up knowing love and having a family. Miranda had known neither.

"Don't you even want to say hello?" Serena asked.

"It's not about what I want. It's about what's best for her. She's got a family, a life. I'll just complicate that for her," Miranda said, turning away. Serena saw the tears that were streaming down Miranda's cheeks. She put out her hand to stop her from walking off.

"Miranda, _don't _let her go," Serena said forcefully. She didn't pause to think about the irony of the situation. Instead, Serena channeled something Ashley had told her back on Virmire. "Life is too short to push away the people you love."

Miranda's brows knitted together in confusion. Serena was not one to sit aside when she knew someone was in trouble. When Miranda had asked for her help, Serena did not hesitate. She and the Cerberus operative would probably never be the best of friends, but she respected Miranda and knew that she was hurting.

She cocked her head over to where Oriana stood. Miranda nodded and made her way toward her sister. Out of privacy, Serena turned away and stood off to the side. When Miranda finally returned, she seemed like a different person. They didn't speak on the way back to the SR-2, but Serena could sense that Miranda was at peace. As they reached the airlock to the _Normandy_, Miranda suddenly turned around causing Serena to almost run into her.

"Thank you, Shepard. For everything. My sister is safe because of you."

Serena shook her head. "No thanks needed. I'm just glad that we got there in time to save her."

Miranda stared at her again, that same look of confusion she had earlier, like she was trying to figure Serena out. Then, she just shook her head and made her way into the ship.

* * *

Kaidan was exhausted. They had spent hours pouring over all the information they had on the Collectors. They had eaten lunch and dinner in Anderson's office, and now all Kaidan wanted was to take a warm shower and go to sleep.

He stole a glance at his computer terminal and groaned out loud. He hadn't checked his e-mail since before the Collector attack on Horizon. Might as well check them now. Who knew how busy he was going to be in the next few days? He probably wouldn't have time to check his messages for a while.

He scrolled through his inbox, deleting all the junk mail he had received. No, he didn't want to visit Morlan about a device to enlarge his private areas. Kaidan shook his head at the ridiculous amount of spam that had invaded his inbox. He really needed to sit down one day and go over his private settings again.

He scanned through the rest of his mail. Messages from his friends telling him he needed to get out more often, reply from Anderson concerning the defense towers, and…Kaidan's heart nearly stopped as he saw the next two messages.

They were from a private account, just like before. No name, no way to trace the message. He looked at the date and time. They were sent the night before the Collector attack. Kaidan thought back and remembered that was the night he had been working on the schematics for the defense towers. He had gotten two messages, but he was too tired to open them. He thought it had been Anderson asking him for an update on the towers.

He braced himself for what he was about to see. He already knew Serena was alive, what more could these people want him to know? The first message was the same as the one he had received more than a month ago. Just two words: she's alive. The next message held an attachment. When Kaidan clicked to open them, he noticed that it was a collection of pictures.

He let out a pent up breath as he noticed that they were all pictures of Serena. Now that he had gotten used to the idea that she was alive, seeing pictures of her didn't seem to faze him at all. However, these weren't regular pictures that she had posed for, but rather more like surveillance camera pictures. The first few were of her on Omega, then some of her at the Citadel. It wasn't until he reached the last few pictures that he finally gave some sort of reaction.

It was Serena on what he could only guess was her ship. His heart accelerated as he focused on only two pictures of the dozens he had been sent. She looked like she had just finished working out. He could clearly make out the cockpit and Joker sitting in the pilot's chair. But it wasn't the image of Joker that caused his surprise. He had also gotten used to the idea that Joker was with her, though a million questions were still running through his head. Those questions would have to wait until later, though.

No, his eyes had caught something else. Something that, perhaps, the person sending him these pictures hadn't caught themselves. Or they did catch it and just didn't know how important it was to Kaidan?

Serena was wearing his necklace. The necklace he had made for her and given to her on her birthday two years prior. He still remembered the tears in her eyes when he had given her the gift. The way she had moved away from him because she didn't want him to see how much it meant to her. And then, the way she had jumped into his arms in gratitude. That was the day he realized he had loved her since the day he had met her. That was the day he had vowed to wait for her and never let her go.

Kaidan moved to the next picture and saw how she was holding it in her hand, almost like she was trying to draw strength from it. He leaned back in his chair and scrubbed his hands over his face. He was an idiot!

He had already resolved that he needed to apologize to her. He had wanted to do it in person, but after seeing her pictures, he felt he couldn't wait any longer. He needed to do it right now. He found her old Alliance e-mail address and hoped against all hope that the message would get to her.


	9. Chapter 8

**_AN: So, I apologize for the delay in updates. I had this chapter and the next chapter for "Dinner" in the works and then totally lost my mojo. Oh, and Fable III got in the way, lol. _**

**_Quick recap: Kaidan just finished sending his "Horizon" e-mail after he realizes that he still has feelings for Serena._**

**_Special thanks to sesheta255 for giving me that nudge to finish this! I will post the next chapter for "Dinner" soon. :)_**

**_

* * *

_**

"I still don't understand why you're not using your biotics. Granted, you haven't quite perfected your technique, but you have improved greatly," Miranda said as they made their way out of the shuttle.

Serena sighed. Since Horizon, it was the same argument from Miranda: the question of why Serena had suddenly stopped using her biotics.

"I told you already," Serena said, not quite holding back the exasperation that she felt at having to answer the same thing over and over. "It's not me. I'm not a biotic. I still don't know why you insisted on implanting me with the L5's."

Miranda considered her for a moment as they entered the elevator. Serena looked away making a pretense of looking over her armor. She was afraid Miranda would see that there was more to it than "I'm not a biotic". The truth of the matter was that her biotic power had waned considerably since Horizon. Serena had made it a point to stop using her biotics after seeing Kaidan. It hurt too much to think of him every time her body was enveloped in that blue corona.

The elevator chimed, and the door opened to the third deck. Serena waited expectantly for Miranda to get off the elevator. Instead, the door closed, and Miranda pushed the button to stall the elevator.

"'Life is too short to push away the people you love'", Miranda said, crossing her arms over her chest. "That's what you told me after rescuing Oriana. Your words are what made me go back and talk to her."

Serena shrugged, having a faint idea of where this was going but not wanting to say anything to confirm Miranda's suspicions. In the weeks since rescuing Oriana, Serena and Miranda had come to some sort of unspoken truce. They weren't the best of friends, but they had come to respect each other enough to stop their bickering. After Oriana, Serena had sensed a change in Miranda…something that had softened her considerably, though the Cerberus operative would be loath to admit it.

"Oriana deserved to know she has a sister that loves her and looks out for her," Serena finally said, feigning great interest in a deep scratch that ran alongside her gauntlet. "I couldn't let you walk away from her without her knowing that."

Miranda took a step closer, and Serena could practically feel Miranda's eyes boring into her. Out of the three people on board that knew about her and Kaidan, Garrus had been the only one to keep his comments to himself, perhaps because he had been with her on Horizon and witnessed everything. Chakwas had tried getting Serena to open up to no avail, and even Joker had offered his two cents. Serena wasn't interested in listening to them, however. And she would deal with Miranda the same way she had dealt with them. By telling her that there was nothing wrong and then running off to sulk in her room.

"Shepard, you really need to consider – "

"Commander, you have new messages at your private terminal," Kelly's voice rang cheerfully in the elevator.

Serena had never been so glad to hear that sentence. She pushed the button to the top deck and leaned back against the wall as the elevator moved up.

"Thank you, Kelly, I will be in my cabin if anyone needs me," Serena said out loud. Turning back to Miranda, she said, "You should probably go get some rest. After Haelstrom, we should be going back to the Citadel. Garrus and Thane have some personal matters they need to attend to, and we need to pick up some supplies."

As if on cue, the elevator door opened, and Serena walked to her door.

"This isn't over, Shepard," Miranda said behind her. "We still need to talk."

Serena stepped into her room and let out a sigh of relief. Miranda had been _this_ close to mentioning something about Kaidan, Serena was sure of it. The last thing she needed was for Miranda to be butting into her personal life – what little of it she had.

She took a quick shower and then sat down at her desk to review her messages. Spam, a few thank you messages, some friendly e-mails from people she knew from her days on the SR-1. And then, something that made her heart race.

_About Horizon…_, it read.

Her heart pounded in her chest as she moved the cursor to open the message. She read over it once, twice…ten times. She dissected every line, relishing the sound of Kaidan's voice in her head as she read.

She let out a laugh. He even wrote like he talked. Serious, somewhat hesitant…and always leaving a way out. She immediately set upon writing him back. Something short and to the point. Something that would make him understand that she still loved him and was only working with Cerberus because no one else believed her…or believed _in_ her.

_Kaidan,_

_I understand your confusion and shock, but please believe me when I say that I only just woke up a few months ago. It was never my intention to mislead you. _

_As for Cerberus, we both want the same thing. To save our colonies. Nothing more, nothing less._

_For now, know that I look forward to finishing this mission with you waiting for me at the other end. I keep your gift close to my heart, just as I keep you._

_I love you._

_Serena_

She took a few minutes to read it through. She wanted to say so much more, but she figured it was something that she would rather do in person. There was something in the back of her mind that was bothering her, however.

She went back to his message and read it again. There – his date with the doctor. It was something that she had just glanced overbefore and decided to skip. But as she read over it, the words took on a whole other meaning.

At first she thought that the pain in her heart was jealousy. Images of Kaidan having a good time with someone other than her made her want to break everything in sight. Her biotics flared at the thought of this faceless "doctor" being so near the man she loved.

Then, her more reasonable side intervened. Kaidan had a right to see whoever he wanted. In his mind, she was dead…and he was just trying to move on.

It was then that she realized that the pain in her heart was her own mourning. Kaidan had been without her for two years. He had grieved, and then he had moved on. It wasn't right for her to stir up whatever they had between them two years ago.

She took one last look at her e-mail and then shook her head. No. She wasn't going to do this to him again. As much as it pained her, she had to let him go…if only so he could continue moving on with his life. It wasn't fair to have him wait for her because of her own selfish reasons. He deserved someone better than her.

She moved the cursor slowly to the "X" at the top of the screen. Tears streamed down her cheeks as the prompt came up asking if she wanted to delete the message. With a small sigh, and a heavy heart, she clicked "yes".

* * *

Kaidan leaned his head back against the seat of the transit. It had been another long day with Anderson and Hackett. The past few weeks had been the same. Go into work at 0700, go over thousands of data pads filled with information about Cerberus, the Collectors, the Reapers, go home at 2000, have a small dinner, take a shower, and sleep. And the next day, start all over again.

While work kept Kaidan busy, he still couldn't help from thinking about Serena any other chance he got. The fact that he had sent her his message weeks ago, and she still hadn't replied was foremost on his mind.

The transit slowed to a stop outside his apartment building, and he dug into his pocket, bringing out his credit chit to pay his fare. He sighed heavily, finally walking into his residence and locking the door behind him.

He was tired of poring over information and getting nowhere. What they were looking for was right in front of them, he could feel it. It was just a matter of actually finding it. He had half a mind to e-mail Joker and Garrus and ask them what they were up to.

He knew Joker wouldn't be so receptive. They had parted ways soon after they had been rescued. Both had been too lost in their own grief and guilt to check up on each other. Even though Kaidan harbored the majority of the guilt for Serena's death, a small part of him blamed Joker as well. Kaidan had gone over the scenario hundreds of times…the question of "what if" laying heavily on his mind.

Things with Garrus hadn't gone so well either. Kaidan's own grief had kept him from contacting any of the _Normandy_'s crew members after they got reassigned. He knew the turian had returned to C-Sec for a while. And then he had mysteriously disappeared. Kaidan had heard nothing else from him until he saw him standing with Serena on Horizon.

Kaidan sat back on his couch and rubbed his hands over his face. Not hearing from them frustrated him. The latest reports had them leaving Ilium. He knew that they had picked up an asari Justicar and a famed assassin. But that had been weeks ago – around the same time he had sent her his message.

He let out a frustrated groan. His thoughts always came back to his message. Didn't Serena realize that, after two years, he still hadn't moved on?

_Well, of course she didn't, you idiot_, he thought. _The last time you saw her, you raged at her for being with Cerberus. You didn't even give her a chance to explain herself. And your e-mail was no good either…_

Kaidan regretted some of the things he had put on that e-mail – namely that date with the doctor. It was one of those rare moments where he had acted before thinking. It wasn't until after he had sent the e-mail that he had realized what exactly he had written.

He hadn't meant to put that. It wasn't even something he considered a date. Much like his dinner with Lilith, it was something uneventful, something that hadn't even been worth mentioning. He figured he had added it on there as a way to show her that he had tried moving on. He certainly didn't want her thinking that he had grieved for her for two years. He had…but Serena didn't need to know that. He didn't want to come off as some pathetic loser who had fallen in love with his superior officer and just couldn't get over her.

At this, he got up to take a shower. The past few weeks since Horizon had been difficult. His body had gone through a series of intense emotions that had left him feeling drained. His mind and his heart had come to accept that Serena was alive…and his feelings for her were stronger than ever.

Even through the sound of the shower running, he heard a faint beep that signified he had just gotten a new e-mail. He took his time washing, not wanting to get his hopes up. For all he knew, it was probably Anderson detailing the next day's assignment.

He stepped out of the shower and tied a towel around his waist. Sitting in front of his terminal, he let out a breath as he saw the new message he had just received.

_RE: About Horizon…_

Kaidan felt his heart speed up. This was it…the message he had been waiting for. He was almost too afraid to open it. Was she going to reject him just like he had done to her on Horizon? Was she forgiving him for everything he had said? There was only one way to find out…

_Kaidan,_

_I understand your confusion and shock, but please believe me when I say that I only just woke up a few months ago. It was never my intention to mislead you._

_As for Cerberus, we both want the same things. To save our colonies. Nothing more, nothing less._

_For now, know that I look forward to finishing this mission with you waiting for me at the other end. I keep your gift close to my heart, just as I keep you._

_I love you._

_Serena_

_P.S. Our mission entails us to go through the Omega-4 relay. I don't know how long we will be gone, but be assured that I _will _come back. I hope to see you on Omega upon our return. _

Kaidan read through the message a dozen times. His mind raced with a million questions…questions he knew would be answered in due time.

He would need to talk to Anderson to request some much needed shore leave. He wasn't too sure if Serena would send him a message before she went through the Omega-4 relay, but he knew he would hear reports of it when it happened. In any case, he wanted to be ready to leave at a moment's notice.

If anyone could come back from the Omega-4 relay, it would be her. And he would be damned if he wasn't on Omega waiting for her.


End file.
